What if....

Until Bush is OUT OF OFFICE....

and I can't believe that  former President George H. W. Bush (the soon-to-be ex president's father) is already backing his other son, Jeb Bush, to be president someday.  Like we need yet another eight years of the same politics!  I think the American people know better as proven by the election of Obama.  We want CHANGE and we want it now, dernit!

So now it's just 14 days until the current George W. Bush is out of office!

Okay, so I found my old Live Journal, which was sad and abandoned for a long time.

Updates - I'm living in a transitional housing situation where I ended up after a long and arduous mental health battle.  I have a different boyfriend now than when I wrote in here a year ago.  His name is Chris, and he's wonderful.  I'm trying to go back to school this fall on short notice so that I can get my Special Educator's Credential.  This week I will ask my conservator (for I'm under county conservatorship) whether I can get funds released to go to school in time to meet the deadline.  I'm excited and nervous at the same time, hence the trouble sleeping which lead me to seek out Live Journal past my usual bed time.

That is all. 

thru d blu
u see me
thru d gr33n
u see st4rz
thru d nite
u see rain
thru whIte
u see pale

pale reflection in the mirror
is the ghost of an illusion of a smithed
wrought iron
no knowing where the rowing
leads to showing
who u b

Bush is pushed out of office.

I woke up really hungry but I don't have much food.  I'm out of raisins.  I have cereal but no milk. Is it okay to eat rice krispies without milk?  They are the generic kind but still show a recipe for krispie marshmallow treats, so I figure they're the real deal.

I have a few sunflower seeds.  That's not so substantial, but it might tide me over. 

I'm trying desperately not to eat out too much.  I did yesterday at Panda Express, which I'm starting to think is a disgusting place. 

I went the whole day without realizing it was Father's Day today.  Every other year, I've had a breakdown around this time and/or around April 5th, my father's birthday.  The reason is that there's a aniversery effect even years later after a loved one passes on, and especially in my dad's case, because he was such a pivotal figure in my life. 

I might regret slightly not going to church this week, but he didn't like my church anyway.  He thought it wasn't a real religion since we had no core beliefs.  That's just as well. 

I just started thinking about him randomly a few minutes ago, like I often do, even without remembering it was Father's Day.  One MySpace bulletin reminded me, and then I realized I thought of him right at the right time.  I do it anyway so it's not like it's fortuitous, but it's good to remember.

I want to be a better person so that just in case Heaven really is a place and not a state of mind, I can go there and see him again.  He's always there anyway because I dream of him often.  He always tells me he's still alive but I'm the only one who can see him.  He is still alive and helping me and leading me to do good things.  Even when I do bad things, he doesn't get as angry as he did in life.  He had a very harsh temper, and there was no crossing him when he had his mind set to something.  Most of my mother's family could not get along with him, and so we were alienated from them during his life.  I visited my cousins occasionally, and I saw my grandfather once in a blue moon, but not too often considering we only lived three hours away.  Life happens that way, and there's no stopping it, I suppose. 

Time does not heal all wounds, but all wounds don't need to be healed.

[edit] Here's a link to a website devoted to celebrating holidays one day at a time, today featuring Father's Day.

wow, man, that last entry was a dense little paragraph all on cleaning. 

Okay, so the other thing is.......oh I can't remember. Poot.  Sleepformethen. Goodnight.

About half or two-fifths or so of my cleaning was done(by me).  Now, tomorrow morning (whenever my body decides that is), I'm bringing books I don't need down to the garage to keep until I move.  Next, I'm putting the laundry I left in the laundryroom (against the rules, but no one follows 'em) in the machine before anyone else gets a chance to steal it.  Next, I'm taking a shower while that goes, then getting dressed and starting the dryer and the next load (hoping no one has stolen it yet, and I've got quarters).  Then finish dishes, then dry and put them away, collect any loose paperwork, put excess boxes somewhere discrete, make a finale onceove of my bedroom floor before emptying out the dust from the vacuum and vacuuming everything.  Finally, I'll give the bathroom the most thorough cleaning it's had since I've been there, also picking up all the stuff from the counter around the sink.  lalala, yeah, I don't really have a choice about it, you realize.  Of course, I get a deduction on anything I'd have to pay in deposit based on having lived here a year, but I want to make sure that deduction is subtracted from the smallest possible amount (hopefully zero, in which case it's a moot point).

Someone told me to start making lists of things to do and then do them all without hesitation.  That would make my life easier, less thinking about all the things hanging over my head.

So here's a simple list:

Cleaning my house.

1. Put all dirty clothes in one or more hampers/bags.  Set in one spot together until laundry machines are vacant for my own use.
2. Do the dishes.
3. Clean the counters.
4. Sweep the floor.
5. Mop the floor.
6. Take out the trash.
7. Take out any recycling.
8. Empy the vacuum.
9. Vacuum the bedroom and livingroom rugs.
10. Clean the bathroom.

I'll see how far I get before I get lazy (or don't).

Wow man.

here are a few (real) scenarios.....


1. I have a boyfriend in New York whom I never see.  He may move out here soon, for real, and then it would be a more real life relationship.  Time will only tell. 

What I need advice with is the extent I should be wrapped up in things with him.  Right now, I even have my cell phone attached to his.  We have separate minutes but are connected.  It's a bit weird.  In any event, I feel like we've crossed some lines most people would recognize from a casual relationship to seriousness although we've only been around each other in person once. 

I have known him for five years, going on six....

I know the decision is my own, but I want an outiside opinion to know if what I'm doing is crazy....

2. How can I stop self destructive behavior, namely binging and sleeping all day and crap like that?  I hate myself when I do it and love myself when I don't, yet I do it anyway..  Why?!

3.  How come I keep making resolutions to change my life but never DO IT??

I hate when I do it.  So why do I?

I'm waiting for my friend Sierra to take me to her church's Hawaiian luao (sp?) party.  I just took a shower, and I cleaned off the gunky shiny stuff I had on my nails.  It was chipping and I don't really need it. 

I still haven't finished this friggin assignment.  Harrumph.  I guess I'll e-mail Bill about it and maybe we can meet when I go up to MPC sometime next week.

My meds are still making me very tired even when I get up and exercise.  I always feel like I need to sleep by the middle of the day.  Argh.

I went to Jazz Conditioning this morning, and in a little bit, I'm leaving to go to Jazz and Hip Hop dance.  I'm also going to go back to MPC at around 9am and go swimming for the first time in a while.  I'll commit myself to doing a few laps at first, maybe between 5 and 10.  Maybe I'll stick with two main strokes, like back and freestyle and then also paddleboard kicking.  I hope to increase the laps every time I go.

My apartment inspection is next week.  When I get home tonight and also tomorrow after swimming, I'm going to get busy with the cleaning again.  I have lots and lots of boxes now, probably more than I need, so I'll get crackalackin.

:-)

I'm gradually getting ready to move.  I've moved a bit of stuff down to the garage, and just now I went and got some boxes at the dollar store.  I'm not exactly sure when I'm moving, since it will depend on when my landlady finds someone.  I know it will be by the end of the month. 

At first, I was worried that I would get dependent on this "structure living" environment so that I would not learn the basics of taking care of myself.  Finally, I've decided that even with this plan, there are ways that I can be responsible for myself.  I can start small if I have to and work up.  I can take on little responsiblities, little by little.  Slowly but surely, I hope to get used to an organized and clean environment where my medication is consistent and my daily routine has some consistency as well.  Once that happens, I might actually pull some of the loose ends together that have been hanging out there for a long time.  I need to get a copy of my birth certificate and social security card and finally get a new copy of my state ID.  Once all that happens, I can begin seriously considering if I want a job, if I want to continue with school or what. 

Another thing I need to make sure of is that I stay in charge of my own life.  Despite the fact that others are helping me, I should still be the one to make decisions for myself.  As a friend told me, if I hit a brick wall at 60 mph, I want to be the reason I did.

I've been writing loads of poetry.  I've also been getting ready to leave in a month.  I'm going to Marina to "structured living".  It's a bit unorthodox of a plan, but so be it.  I've always been unorthodox since I was a kid.  I was told I would crawl backwards.  I came out of my mother feet first.  I was nearly dead although I was not premature.  They said that I had an apgar (measurement they do with newborns) score of one.  That means I was barely alive.  Yet I survived.

Later in my life I would keep getting injured.  I got a large door slammed against my head, but I was fine.  I barely cried.  I barely cried according to my parents except just to communicate.  They tried to give me soy or rice milk at one point, but I didn't take to that until I was already weaned.  Besides, I weaned much later than most children.

I won't go on and embarrass myself pointing out my strangeness.  Let's just say there's been probably no single event in my life that occurred the same way as everyone else experiences it.  I don't suppose that will ever change.

May 31, 2007

 

 

Ms. Wilma [last name]

[address deleted for safety]

Dear Wilma:

 

Like you, I am deeply disappointed the President refused to modify his position on the Iraq war, despite the fact that Americans overwhelming oppose his "stay the course" position. I could not give him a blank check to continue the war in Iraq, so I voted 'no' and opposed the war funding supplemental, which sadly passed by a vote of 280-142 (Roll Call 425).

 

There is no doubt that Iraq has fallen into a civil war, and despite the best efforts of our men and women in uniform, there is no military solution to the current conflict. The solution in Iraq is political, not military, yet the Administration has refused to negotiate with Congress on any benchmarks or timelines that would have put political pressure on the Iraqi government to take concrete steps towards peace. I am offended by the Administration's recent statement: "If we let up, we'll be attacked." Our troops have already been attacked and are being killed in Iraq everyday. Tragically, the death toll for US soldiers now stands at 3,434, and President Bush has warned the American people to expect a bloody summer. I strongly believe that America needs to defend herself from a future attack. But the invasion of Iraq and the subsequent occupation has, according to the Administration's own National Intelligence Estimate, created more terrorists and more anti-American sentiment than before September 11.

 

When the Defense Department Authorization (HR 2237) was debated recently, I supported an amendment that would have started the drawdown of US troops in Iraq. Unfortunately, the amendment failed by a vote of 255 to 171 (Roll Call 330).

 

Despite the House Leadership's best efforts to end the war, the bottom line is that governance requires responsibility, and the House of Representatives acted responsibly to fund the troops. President Bush may have won some breathing room until September when military commanders can assess the results of the surge strategy, but you can be assured that the Democratic Majority will continue to support the American people in their opposition to the war. Please be assured that I will continue to fight to bring our troops home as quickly and safely as possible.

 

Sincerely,

 

SAM FARR

Member of Congress

 

 

Please be sure to visit my website at www.farr.house.gov